Friday, September 5, 2014

Why am I being disliked?

If you are a person wondering why you are being disliked by people around you for no valid reason, you will not be surprised to know that people may dislike you just because you failed to keep up to their expectations. Expectations can be any form- simple, intense, relational and sometimes unwarranted. However, we need to realize that we cannot meet the expectations of others fully. We do take efforts to fulfill the expectations of immediate family members. For instance, between parents and children, between spouses, etc. Yet it is difficult to fulfill all of the unspoken expectations.

If we find that people get cross with us just because we failed to keep up to their expectations, we will need to understand that we will eventually be disliked. How would we handle such situations? Most of us would answer...'I don't care for such people in my life' or even 'I don't want them'. Instead of holding such attitude, what we can do as matured adults is to allow those who dislike us be what they are, feel what they want to and continue to be them. All that we can do is distance from them psychologically and give them their psychological space.

Giving psychological space to others is an important ingredient for interpersonal relationships as well as for our psychological well-being. It refers to not cribbing and complaining about people who dislike us but accept it as their innate nature and consider less of why they dislike us. This will heal our inner self as it will enable us to experience psychological freedom in unimaginable ways...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Social Comparison Theory-4

Inevitably we engage in the habit of social comparisons and one of the ideal forms of social comparisons that can help us to live with contentment is to compare not with those who are better of than us...but to compare with those who endure harder life struggles than us. It is no use cribbing about some things that happened in our lives that are unchangeable. There are two kinds of life's happenings those that we can change and those that we cannot. That is why we often refer to the quote:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It is very essential that we identify the difference between the things that we can change in our lives and the things we cannot. So how do we handle the things that are unpleasant and undesirable in our lives. Firstly, we need to identify things in our lives that we cannot change. Secondly, we need to accept and acknowledge the unchangeable aspect of life by understanding the fact that we cannot expect things to change magically or hold unrealistic expectations. Finally, though we cannot change some things in our lives we can change our reactions to it.

How do we change our reactions to the unpleasant and undesirable happenings or things in our lives? Social comparison theory helps us here...we need to consider those real life people who struggle the worst in their lives and still live positively. We will be able to see that in spite of their life struggles they still take efforts to make the best out of their lives... for themselves and their dependencies. We have a lesson to learn from such people.

Instead of comparing with those who are better of than us and cribbing about what we have or don't have why not learn lessons from the real life heroes who live their lives successfully with a purpose amidst all storms...

Monday, September 1, 2014

I will be disliked...

Generally, we all have a good feeling about ourselves. Each of us to a greater degree know about ourselves as a person and we presumably believe that we are 'good'. It is essential to have this kind of perception for us to function normally as an individual. However, we may fall into the trap of belief system that we are generally likable by all and hence our communication, behaviors, actions, choices and decision-making can be driven by this presumption.

If you are a person who carry this kind of belief system that 'I am generally likable' it may be difficult for you to handle instances of rejection or non-acceptance. I personally was plagued with this kind of belief system for many years and when faced with instances of non-acceptance or rejection felt miserable. One fine day an article I read helped me to realize no matter how good I am or would have been good to people, how much ever loving... not all will get to like me. The article struck me like an lightning and I felt delivered to know the truth that "I will be disliked" no matter how hard I try to invest in people and relationships.

To know that 'I will be disliked' brought in deliverance to my inner struggle. I felt free, calm and at ease to be myself. If you are a people-person know that you will be liked as well as disliked, loved as well as unloved, accepted as well as rejected. Since each individual's perception and attitude is different not everyone will see things from our eyes. First, we need to get out of this belief system so that we can function normally as a person and not be weighed down by others reactions towards us...